That stinks, the big tease, and why assumptions are not always the scary monster in the woods.
Dying is never a good thing, but how you die is a factor. This weekend at a cross-country event, I was forced to pay the tax for drinking too much water on the way. The collector was Mr. Porta Potty and like most tax collectors, literally, no one likes him. Also like other tax collectors, somehow they have become even more unpleasant during Covid.
To set the scene, this is a cross-country meet with a couple dozen or so schools, made up of middle school & high schools kids, an average adult-to-student ratio of 17:1, in the Houston, TX region, all starting at 9 am (after breakfast/coffee/running). For those who have never had the pleasure of visiting Houston, a single weekend sporting event in this part of the country could register as a mid-size city by population count. By my tally, there were approximately 62,151 people at this event, and the minute my nose went through this gateway of joy, I had realized nearly all of them had used this single porta potty prior to me.
So I did what every sane adult would do, I held my breath the entire time. Luckily for me, this was a #1 event, or else I would have actually passed out from a lack of oxygen. I’ve been in some precarious situations regarding bathrooms in my life, but face first on the floor of a porta-potty would probably represent a new low. Right now the word on the street is that every death is being counted as Covid but I feel pretty certain this one would have its own column in the excessive death chart. The survival rate of your face hitting the toilet or floor of a porta-potty must be .0012 or lower.
Of all the ways to die, this would be, in every aspect of the word, the shittiest.
I actually hate this time of year weather-wise in the south. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice that it’s no longer 98 degrees with 96% humidity, but the current weather is just a giant tease. Happiness is mostly expectation management, and all this weather does is make you think it’s about to get cool when in reality, we all know that there is a decent chance we’ll be wearing shorts for Thanksgiving. This also really confuses my AC system because it thinks it’s cool enough to stay off, and I have to put it to 68 degrees to get moving. Like everyone else in this country, it is tired of working too I guess so I am left with only two options, freeze to death or have a muggy office.
We’ve all heard the urban legend about assuming, but the lack of assumption is killing this country and the workplace. Somehow, seemingly overnight, we’ve gone from assuming the good in people to assuming the bad, and those preconceived notions are making it much more dramatic than it needs to be. We all see it in the political landscape, but it happens at work all the time as well.
More often than they should, people assume that anything you say is meant to be negative. In fact, most will tell you to “not sugar coat it and give it to me straight” but that is the exact opposite of how they behave. In fact, well over 95% of the time I give feedback, I am giving it in a way that is meant to be constructive, however, it rarely is interpreted that way. How do I know? Because so many of these comments result in 10 minutes of “why I’m right and Cody’s opinion is wrong” responses. There is nothing more destructive than two people arguing about an opinion, using another opinion as scientific evidence.
I’m a naturally optimistic person, so my typical voice usually is around the good, but sometimes I have to be much more direct to move things along. As a leader, you have to find ways to balance your voice, your message, and the people who are listening. It’s not easy, but it’s also not rocket science. Like all things, simply being a good human is steps 1-3.
In my career, I have just about tried all ways of communication and leadership so I have a great sample size to pull from, on nearly every end of the spectrum. What I’ve learned in all that time is that the other person is largely responsible for how the message gets interpreted. Those that are truly optimistic and positive, see it for what it is and coming from a good place. Those that are naturally sarcastic and pessimistic, more often than not see it as someone licking their last lollipop. Most people are so negative in life that I truly believe they see it as a professional sport.
Quick tips.
If you are in a leadership role, always remind them that you are being direct, not negative. Go over the top by reminding them. People (despite what they tell you) do not listen to you the first 5 times you tell them.
If you are in the listener role, try assuming good intent. Before you get mad, or defensive, think to yourself, “Is this person really trying to be a jerk here or could I be misreading the situation.”
On both sides, be clear on what the conversation is. At times interactions are conversational, ranting, or directive. Knowing which mode you are in helps establish some rules of engagement.
When in doubt, lean hard on relationships, action, and trust. Quick micro-analyzing every syllable and viewpoint, and go with what you feel. I truly believe, and all evidence supports this, that the universe is there to help you succeed, listen to the clues it gives you.
As my man Ted Lasso said, quit overthinking it, and go with your gut but on the way there, check with your heart. If your gut and your heart are aligned, you are probably ok.